#55 The Series Finale
09/03/21 19:58
I’m a big fan of Suits, the legal drama starring Meghan Markle. She’s an actress who’s been in the news recently, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. You know, the one who put Prince Phillip in hospital, stole the £350 million a week for the NHS, and kept a whole town under her power so she could process her grief about her partner being killed by Thanos. Oh sorry, hang on, that was Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch. Easy to get them confused, nowadays, what with the Daily Mail bringing an incel energy to its incessant reporting on Megxit.
Now, I must confess that initially I only watched Suits because I’d read about Meghan and Harry getting together and was just being nosy, wanting to see who was marrying into The Firm. But I ended up watching eight seasons, because it was great fun – all sharp tongues and sharp suits (it took me four series to realise ‘Suits’ was short for ‘lawsuits’ rather than a reference to the incredible outfits they all wear). It’s like an Ally McBeal for the 2010s, with Meghan as its Calista Flockhart. At first, I thought she was… fine, but she got better during the run, a young actress finding her feet and learning the ropes. There’s something very watchable about her, though admittedly I couldn’t work out if it was down to talent, her future status as a Duchess, or simply that she looks exceptionally good in a pencil skirt.
The Daily Mail clearly thinks there’s *something about her* too, because they worked themselves into a right lather over the Oprah interview, thus ensuring that the entire country would tune into this stain on the national psyche. Obviously, I was all over it, couldn’t wait to gawp at them as they sat in that garden in soft focus while Winfrey sagely nodded and probed. What humdingers would Meghan deliver? What bombshells would be dropped?
Well, to quote Tom in Four Weddings and a Funeral: ‘Thunderbolt City’. The revelations just kept coming. But to digress, I was slightly irked by the American-ness of the filming – what was with the Dallas-style three-way split screen? And those tension beds? But I guess they were in the States, so fair enough. If they’d been in the UK, they’d never have been able to film in a garden, unless they’d had underlings positioning outdoor heaters, wielding umbrellas and throwing their cloaks on the muddy ground for Meghan to step on. The L.A.vishness of that gorgeous garden kept distracting me – whose was it? Serena’s? Clooney’s Santa Barbara crashpad? I was also overly focused on Meghan’s vertiginous heels, which were far too high for a pregnant woman – or an unpregnant woman, for that matter. I really liked the shots of the dogs, and the references to the dogs – they clearly love their dogs; it’s the only thing they and the Royal Family agree on.
Anyway, the bombshells. I’d read most of them beforehand, but it was still riveting to see them delivered so brutally and articulately. Fucking hell, Haz – WHO were you referring to?? The Firm’s concern about their unborn baby’s skin colour was surely the disclosure of the night – and there were several meaty contenders in the mix. Harpo Productions knew they had us on a leash, and kept cutting to commercials just as Meghan mic-dropped and Oprah barked ‘what?’ But the stories really were extraordinary, continuing where The Crown left off in painting the institution as rigid, unfeeling, and self-destructively inward-looking. Aside from revealing the whole shebang as a hotbed (or rather, a coldbed) of cruel detachment, inflexibility and racism, what struck me was what a missed opportunity this was for the Royal Family. They had such a gem in Meghan – a smart, eloquent, mixed-race feminist who was ready to work for them, show them in a different light. Here was their chance to make themselves relevant, modern, fresh and - yes - woke, and they blew it. Well, I tell you, I’m not taking Charles’ calls anymore, that’s for sure.
On a lighter note, I was transfixed by Meghan calling Fergie ‘Fergie’, and the sensational news that she once worked at a place called Humphrey Yoghurt – an unexpected and satisfying pun, and one that sent Twitter into a tailspin. I loved the idea of everyone curtsying to each other in private, and it made me think of the tree that falls in the forest with no one to hear it – if you bow to the Queen and no one but her sees it, does it really happen?
One quote really stuck with me, and it followed Meghan’s juicy admission that Kate made her cry (and subsequently apologised). Obviously, that was not the story that appeared in the tabloids, but I liked what she said about their relationship: ‘If you love me, you don’t have to hate her. And if you love her, you don’t have to hate me.’
That’s it in a nutshell, isn’t it. For some reason, there’s the sense that you have to be on one team, or the other. Team Meghan, or Team Kate. Team Royals, or Team Republicans. Remain or Leave, Boomer or Millennial, Rightwing or Leftwing, Blue Dress or Gold Dress, Green Needle or Brainstorm. We’ve created a world where there’s no middle ground, just black and white; vehemence without balance, nuance, or facts. And, like Harry, I blame the press. They’ve left no room for anything else. We’re all trapped, in the end, on our opposing sides, with only spittle between us.
Circling back to Wanda Maximoff again, one of the most interesting things about WandaVision was its exploration of reality and perception. There was a particularly potent scene where the two Visions (I’m not explaining, go and watch it) discuss the Ship of Theseus thought experiment. If you take away component parts and replace them, does anything of the original remain? It’s Trig’s Broom, basically. The tabloids have dissected and rebuilt the whole Meghan and Harry saga so many times that it’s hard to know what’s real anymore. They hash it and re-hash it, look at it from so many (warped) angles that you get dizzy, gradually creating a circle of runes that ensures they are the only ones who can weave their magic, leaving everyone at loggerheads. The Oprah interview was Meghan’s attempt to break the spell, and perhaps she thought that would draw a line under everything. But I suspect there’s no such thing as a Series Finale for her and Harry – all manner of film franchises and spin-offs will ensue, whether they like it or not.
Still, at least she’ll have an ace legal team behind her for all those ‘suits.
Now, I must confess that initially I only watched Suits because I’d read about Meghan and Harry getting together and was just being nosy, wanting to see who was marrying into The Firm. But I ended up watching eight seasons, because it was great fun – all sharp tongues and sharp suits (it took me four series to realise ‘Suits’ was short for ‘lawsuits’ rather than a reference to the incredible outfits they all wear). It’s like an Ally McBeal for the 2010s, with Meghan as its Calista Flockhart. At first, I thought she was… fine, but she got better during the run, a young actress finding her feet and learning the ropes. There’s something very watchable about her, though admittedly I couldn’t work out if it was down to talent, her future status as a Duchess, or simply that she looks exceptionally good in a pencil skirt.
The Daily Mail clearly thinks there’s *something about her* too, because they worked themselves into a right lather over the Oprah interview, thus ensuring that the entire country would tune into this stain on the national psyche. Obviously, I was all over it, couldn’t wait to gawp at them as they sat in that garden in soft focus while Winfrey sagely nodded and probed. What humdingers would Meghan deliver? What bombshells would be dropped?
Well, to quote Tom in Four Weddings and a Funeral: ‘Thunderbolt City’. The revelations just kept coming. But to digress, I was slightly irked by the American-ness of the filming – what was with the Dallas-style three-way split screen? And those tension beds? But I guess they were in the States, so fair enough. If they’d been in the UK, they’d never have been able to film in a garden, unless they’d had underlings positioning outdoor heaters, wielding umbrellas and throwing their cloaks on the muddy ground for Meghan to step on. The L.A.vishness of that gorgeous garden kept distracting me – whose was it? Serena’s? Clooney’s Santa Barbara crashpad? I was also overly focused on Meghan’s vertiginous heels, which were far too high for a pregnant woman – or an unpregnant woman, for that matter. I really liked the shots of the dogs, and the references to the dogs – they clearly love their dogs; it’s the only thing they and the Royal Family agree on.
Anyway, the bombshells. I’d read most of them beforehand, but it was still riveting to see them delivered so brutally and articulately. Fucking hell, Haz – WHO were you referring to?? The Firm’s concern about their unborn baby’s skin colour was surely the disclosure of the night – and there were several meaty contenders in the mix. Harpo Productions knew they had us on a leash, and kept cutting to commercials just as Meghan mic-dropped and Oprah barked ‘what?’ But the stories really were extraordinary, continuing where The Crown left off in painting the institution as rigid, unfeeling, and self-destructively inward-looking. Aside from revealing the whole shebang as a hotbed (or rather, a coldbed) of cruel detachment, inflexibility and racism, what struck me was what a missed opportunity this was for the Royal Family. They had such a gem in Meghan – a smart, eloquent, mixed-race feminist who was ready to work for them, show them in a different light. Here was their chance to make themselves relevant, modern, fresh and - yes - woke, and they blew it. Well, I tell you, I’m not taking Charles’ calls anymore, that’s for sure.
On a lighter note, I was transfixed by Meghan calling Fergie ‘Fergie’, and the sensational news that she once worked at a place called Humphrey Yoghurt – an unexpected and satisfying pun, and one that sent Twitter into a tailspin. I loved the idea of everyone curtsying to each other in private, and it made me think of the tree that falls in the forest with no one to hear it – if you bow to the Queen and no one but her sees it, does it really happen?
One quote really stuck with me, and it followed Meghan’s juicy admission that Kate made her cry (and subsequently apologised). Obviously, that was not the story that appeared in the tabloids, but I liked what she said about their relationship: ‘If you love me, you don’t have to hate her. And if you love her, you don’t have to hate me.’
That’s it in a nutshell, isn’t it. For some reason, there’s the sense that you have to be on one team, or the other. Team Meghan, or Team Kate. Team Royals, or Team Republicans. Remain or Leave, Boomer or Millennial, Rightwing or Leftwing, Blue Dress or Gold Dress, Green Needle or Brainstorm. We’ve created a world where there’s no middle ground, just black and white; vehemence without balance, nuance, or facts. And, like Harry, I blame the press. They’ve left no room for anything else. We’re all trapped, in the end, on our opposing sides, with only spittle between us.
Circling back to Wanda Maximoff again, one of the most interesting things about WandaVision was its exploration of reality and perception. There was a particularly potent scene where the two Visions (I’m not explaining, go and watch it) discuss the Ship of Theseus thought experiment. If you take away component parts and replace them, does anything of the original remain? It’s Trig’s Broom, basically. The tabloids have dissected and rebuilt the whole Meghan and Harry saga so many times that it’s hard to know what’s real anymore. They hash it and re-hash it, look at it from so many (warped) angles that you get dizzy, gradually creating a circle of runes that ensures they are the only ones who can weave their magic, leaving everyone at loggerheads. The Oprah interview was Meghan’s attempt to break the spell, and perhaps she thought that would draw a line under everything. But I suspect there’s no such thing as a Series Finale for her and Harry – all manner of film franchises and spin-offs will ensue, whether they like it or not.
Still, at least she’ll have an ace legal team behind her for all those ‘suits.
- Oprah with Meghan and Harry, ITV Hub
- WandaVision, 6 episodes, Disney+
- Suits, 9 series, available on Amazon Prime
- The Crown, 4 series, Netflix
